|Today’s challenge: Have that conversation|
Prevent resentment, and give the person a chance to explain or apologize by telling them, “I’m hurt.”
|Has anyone ever done or said something to you that was just SO hurtful? Like the type of thing you’re just shocked by?|
Maybe it was a spouse, a family member, or your best friend… and you just think…
⁉️ “How could they!? I’ll never forgive them!”
At that moment, we’re faced with a critical choice; do we confront them? Or do we just walk away?
Staying quiet is definitely easiest in the moment.
But is it the best decision long term?
I once heard a story about a professor who held up a glass filled with water, and asked his class, “How much do you think this weighs?”
One student said 2 ounces, another 6 ounces, another said 2 pounds.
The professor looked at the class and said, “You know… you’re all right.”
They looked at each other, puzzled. “How could we ALL be right??”
He looked at them as he held the glass, and said,
“How heavy something feels… just depends… on how long you hold onto it.”
Sometimes staying quiet and holding onto things is easiest at first, but over time it gets heavier, because it keeps showing up for us, and the relationship gets harder and harder to fix.
But I want to share an amazing Torah insight on how to heal from pain that someone caused us, whether they meant it or not.
The Torah says, “Don’t hate your brother in your heart.” (Kedoshim 19:17)
Instead, confront the person about the issue.
Do you know why the Torah has to tell us to confront the person?
Because human nature is to avoid confrontation!
It’s against our nature to speak up.
But, I have to tell you that even though it’s so much easier to keep it inside,
it’s so much healthier to speak up.
And when we bring it up with them, we give them a chance to apologize and to clear the air.
But just one tip… When you speak with them,
try to focus on YOUR pain and not THEIR wrongdoing.
Tell them, “I know you wouldn’t want to hurt me, so can you help me understand what this was about?”
Remember, most people don’t want to hurt others, and when they do…
they often don’t even realize the extent of it.
Just try it…
✔️ make that phone call,
✔️ end that long standing fight,
✔️ repair hurt feelings!
I know it’s uncomfortable at first, but afterwards you’ll feel like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. Like a new person. Like you could finally breathe again!
And just watch as you create more shalom bein adam l’chavero!