CCHF Shalom Challenge Day Nine: The Two Most Important Words in Marriage

Today’s challenge: Get curious instead of furious
When someone you love really hurts you, think:
“That’s odd.”
So hurt becomes an opportunity to strengthen your relationship, not undermine it.

Transcript

When your spouse or child hurts you deeply, the pain is MUCH more intense.
You’re sore:

“How could someone I love so much do this to me?”

This feels like MUCH more than a mistake.
😈 He’s cruel.
😣 She’s a manipulator.
😶 He’s dishonest.
😠 She’s callous.
… how could you even have married or raised a person like that?

Waaaaaait.

Hold on a minute.

This is the person who loves you.
Who would never willingly hurt you.

Instead of believing he suddenly turned evil, get curious. “This doesn’t make any sense. Why would he do this?”

Think about what he did as odd. Strange. Out of character.
❌ Not cruel.
❌ Not dishonest.
❌ Not manipulative.

Just… out of character.

Once you do that, you open yourself up to understanding why the wonderful person you married or gave birth to didn’t act so wonderfully.Maybe you’re misinterpreting what she’s doing? Maybe he’s in pain because of something else going on?Maybe she misunderstood YOU — and reacted badly?Maybe there’s something you’re doing that’s triggering this behavior? It could be it was a mistake, but not that they’re evil.

Think, talk, get to the bottom of what drove his behavior — you’ll invariably find that there was a reason for what he did.

Because while demonizing is the natural response, it weakens relationships.

And by getting to the bottom of what’s really causing his behavior, “It’s odd,” are the two words that can strengthen it.